It's Not What It Looks Like!
by Geezworld234
Summary: It always a challenge for Emmet Hawksworth to get to work in a morning without being sung at, but this particular morning proves to be even more difficult when he has to sneak Hyacith's youngest sister out the door without being seen as Mrs Bucket is likely to jump to the wrong conclusion, what with her never being able to listen!
1. It can't be!

_**DISCIALMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF CHRACTERS OR KEEPING UP APPEARANCES (regrettably) anyway hope you enjoy! :) Gee x**_

* * *

Rose woke up to a horizontal crack of light seeping through the curtains cutting her, like a knife straight in two. The ageing younger sister of Hyacinth 'Bouquet' was accustomed to waking up in a bed that wasn't her own but somehow, this morning it was somewhat different.

The acrid smell of cigarette smoke and stale alcohol from last night lingered on, clinging desperately to her blonde, now rather tousled hair. Rubbing her eyes she sighed as one of her false eyelashes came away onto her index finger. Running her tongue over her teeth she retched as she could not only still taste last night's last and very regrettable swig of vodka but she could feel that unpleasant coating it had left behind, encased on her usually pearly white teeth. Boy, what they say about being more prone to hangovers as you get older is very true, she thought, as she aggressively pushed her hand to her forehead in a pathetic attempt to stop the pounding headache she was suffering from.

Of course, Rose was without a doubt the heaviest drinker of the four sisters, (Violet came a close second as she found it was easier to deal with Bruce after a few gins) but she had never been accustomed to a hangover like this before. Most normal people would take this as a sign that they should be slowing down with this 'wild' life style that they had paved for themselves. But not Rose, her analogy of life was why even bother. Every time she 'tried' to change her lifestyle it never worked so why bother over something as trivial as a headache?

Rolling over she realised the bed was empty bar herself, something that never normally happened. Usually she was woken up by a panicking man worried his wife would get home and catch them. Or if he was rich enough to afford a hotel, usually she was woken up by her 'gentleman friend's' phone conversation, which always involved in telling his wife how his non existent conference had been.

Usually Rose could tell whose bed she was in as soon as she was awake, she never forgot a face and most of the men she had slept with, she had been acquainted with them more than once. But scanning around the beige room with the equally dull cream curtains she had no idea who this bedroom belonged too and that wasn't like Rose at all. For all her faults of chasing married men on a desperate search for happiness, Rose rarely did one night stands. Even she had some standards.

The room reminded her of a guest room; it was very empty bar a few documents regimentally positioned on the desk by the window. There was a suit jacket hung up on the wardrobe door and a brief case sitting patiently at the bottom of the wardrobe. Everything was neat and clearly had its place, even her own faux fur jacked was hugging the back of the chair and her stilettos were neatly tucked underneath the desk.

She strained her neck to see if she could read the documents on the desk. No such luck as she wasn't wearing her reading glasses. She never wore her glasses, while some men found them sexy Rose really didn't. She could however, make out a hand written musical score. She laughed at that, the only gentleman she knew who was musical was that dishy neighbour of Hyacinth's and although she had tried her best to seduce him on several occasions, and she had a feeling he liked her a little, she had never been successful. _Poor devil he always looks so nervous, must be living next door to our Hyacinth _she thought.

"No, it can't possibly be him" she muttered stretching out, taking advantage of the empty bed.

Then, through the marginally open window she could hear that unmistakeable shrill sound of her eldest sister singing. Rose couldn't help but smirk, had she finally had her wicked way with Mr. Hawksworth? If she had she was very disappointed that she didn't remember it. What was she doing this side of town anyway? Then it dawned on her, it was because she had been upset about Boris getting engaged to some floozy from Arnold Street.


	2. Last Night: 1

The screaming match down the phone at Boris about the fact that he should have considered how she felt about this and the fact she knew his 'tart' wouldn't treat him right, made Rose realise that perhaps that was a sign in itself that things should change.

She had known Boris since school, he was in Violet's year, he was slightly older than Violet, so it made Rose just over three years younger than Boris. Rose never really got on with people in her year so she used to hang around with Violet at lunch as at the time Rose got on best with her out of all the sisters. Despite never admitting to being in any real kind of relationship with him, Rose had always imagined that she would always have Boris to go back to after the latest boyfriend had upped left her, after all he was her first. Or so Boris had always thought.

After slamming down the grubby receiver; which was in dire need of a proper clean, Rose decided that the best thing to do was to call on Hyacinth and ask her for some tips on how to appear to be respectable. She spent a good ten minutes riffling through her overloaded wardrobe desperate to find an item of clothing suitable to go round to her sister's in. She finally selected a smart figure-hugging plain, backless, black dress that stopped two or three inches above the knees.

As she looked in the full length mirror which was super-glued to the side her wardrobe, she decided that as she looked like she was dressed more appropriately for a night out on the town, than an evening sipping tea out of a beaker at Hyacinth's she might as well have one last round of fun before attempting to prove to Boris and the rest of the world and his wife, that she could indeed be respectable.


	3. Last Night: 2

Emmet Hawksworth was returning home from what was easily the worst date in history when he bumped into a very drunken Rose.

He had told his sister Liz he was going to the church hall, to organise with the vicar possible dates he could stage his latest musical. It was one Emmet was most proud of as he had penned it himself. He had tried to write plays and musical scores for most of his adult life, hoping to make it big time in the entertainment industry but it took an acrimonious divorce for Emmet to find inspiration.

In truth, he was actually going on an unofficial date with Laura, one of the receptionists at Emmet's workplace. They had become quite good friends and had a lot in common so after a couple of months plucking up courage, he finally asked her for a drink. Unfortunately, the night he suggested, Emmet hadn't accounted for the fact Laura's ex-husband would be there and making a big scene about not being allowed to see his children since he came out of prison.

"Well, you always could pick them, I don't know why you bother, you are too old for this" he muttered as he walked home, admitting defeat. He had never been good at dating.

As he drew closer to home he could hear the sounds of hysterical sobbing. Emmet rolled his eyes and wondered what on Earth the world was coming to when he clocked a figure hugging a wall sobbing out of control. Emmet gathered the cause of the woman's emotional outburst was down the almost empty vodka bottle which rolled to his feet. He picked it up and placed it on to the wall.

"Are you alright?" he asked placing his hands around the blonde's delicate waist.

"I think I fell over" a very slurred but familiar voice said turning around to face the man who had helped her.

"Well, it looks like you have had quite a lot to dri- Rose?" he said resisting the urge to laugh at the predicament Hyacinth's little sister had gotten herself into.

"Oh, hello, Emmet" Rose replied, trying to sound sexy. "Thank you for getting me to my feet, I think I have had a bit too much to drink."

"You can say that again" he said, catching her, as her ankle went over her turquoise stiletto shoes.

"Will you escort me to our Hyacinth's, please?"

Emmet grinned; he could already envision Mrs. Bucket going mental when he presented her with an intoxicated Rose. Emmet revelled in Hyacinth's embarrassment, he sometimes worried that he should feel guilty about it but that was yet to happen. "Why should you want to go there?"

"To show her I can be respectable" Rose explained dropping her clutch bag, its contents spilled out onto the pavement.

"Here let me get those, you sit on that wall and don't move" Emmet said picking up several items of makeup, a lighter, an almost full box of cigarettes, a torn pair of fishnets and a tube of eyelash glue. Both of them failed to spot the set of keys that fell into a flowerbed under the velvet night light.

"Oh, not only are you dishy but a gentleman as well, this must be my lucky night" Rose chuckled desperately trying to regain her balance.

"I thought you wanted to see your sister." Emmet said cautiously, he might have been terrified of Hyacinth but her younger sister made him equally as jittery, still at least she was more appealing to look at, even after consuming almost a litre of vodka. He couldn't deny she owned the finest pair of legs that he had ever come into contact with.

"Oh she can wait, I am not sure I want to be respectable anymore" she winked, making Emmet feel even more uneasy.

"I think we need to get you home" Emmet said growing more concerned about the state Rose was in and desperate to fight off any possible advances she might make.

Rose stumbled over a crack in the pavement. "Yes, I can see our Hyacinth in the morning."

"I think that is a good idea, come and see her when you are sober, lord knows that will go down a whole lot better with her royal highness" he said mockingly.

"Only just, our Hyacinth gets rather embarrassed about the kind of lifestyle I lead" Rose admitted sounding rather ashamed.

"I wouldn't worry about it, she is like that with anyone, come on I will drive you back home, I am sure Liz won't mind me borrowing the car." Emmet flushed as Rose gave him a genuine smile; it wasn't one of her sexy smiles but one that showed she was taken aback by his good will, allowing him to see her vulnerability.

"Just a second ago you were trying to get rid of me" Rose slurred.

"I wouldn't say that-"Emmet was interrupted as Rose was violently sick onto the road. Miraculously she didn't get any on herself or Emmet.

Without thinking Emmet had quickly offered Rose his bed for the night, before he knew what he had said.

By now Rose was deteriorating rapidly into a drunken stupor and was finding it impossible to walk. Emmet scooped her up and took her to back to Elizabeth's house.


	4. Last Night: 3

Once inside, Emmet made Rose a cup of sweet tea, helped her out of her dress and averted his eyes as she changed into one of his old shirts, before assisting her into bed.

"Where are you going to sleep?" she muttered before being made to drink a glass of water in one gulp.

"I'll kip on the chair, I can't exactly leave you." He smiled.

"Oh, Emmet you are kind."

"Just be quiet, because if Liz finds out you are here she will blurt it out to Hyacinth, she can't keep anything to herself when it comes to Hyacinth, nor is she any good at lying and the whole thing will be blown out of proportion".

Emmet didn't have to worry about Rose not being able to keep quiet because as soon as her head hit the feathered pillows, she passed out.


	5. Establishing the Facts

The sobering smell of freshly grounded coffee wafted through the room, making Rose feel that little more human. As the footsteps on the stairs drew closer to the room Rose shut her eyes, pretending to be still asleep.

She made out the noise of the door had awoken her, "Morning" she said filling her voice with that lingering sleep.

"How's your head?" Emmet asked placing a breakfast tray on the desk.

"Hurts" she replied, "Look about last night, I'm- er- did we-"

Emmet smiled, shaking his head. Surprisingly Rose was relieved at this, even for her if she had actually slept with Emmet and not remembered it wouldn't be dignified.

"Oh good, I am sure I would have remembered something like that" she winked. "Is there any of that coffee going spare?"

"Yes, I didn't know if you wanted coffee or juice, so I brought you both" he handed Rose the tray before putting on his tie.

"And toast too, why are you being so nice to me? I must have drunk a considerable amount of vodka and when I do I usually make an utter fool out of meself." Rose said rather embarrassedly.

"Not an _utter _fool, after last night I think it is best you eat something; only don't be long as I have to get to work and I don't really want Hyacinth seeing you sneak out."

"Emmet, are you ashamed of me?" Rose joked, spreading a thick even layer of raspberry jam on her toast.

He laughed, "We don't have anything to be ashamed of but you know Hyacinth she will make a mountain out of this molehill."

"That's our Hyacinth alright, do you mind if I use your shower after I have had me breakfast?"

"No, just make it quick I have to leave for work in half an hour."

"Oh that's no problem, I ought to attempt to sell some jewellery today, seen as I seem to be the only one in our house who is familiar with the art of work."


	6. Keeping Mum

Rose stepped out of the shower ten minutes later, gradually feeling more alive. She wrapped herself in the grey towel and realised that she had forgotten to take her clothes into the bathroom with her.

She was frightened out of her skin and nearly out of her towel when someone knocked into her on the landing. "Oh I am sorry" she said spinning round to see a shocked looking Elizabeth.

"Rose? What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's sort of a long story." Liz raised an eyebrow.

"Oh it's not like that, I can assure you." Rose said with a touch of regret in her voice.

"Go on" Emmet's sister replied, already envisaging in her mind an image of her brother and her neighbour's sister in her head, which she really didn't want to be there.

"Well you see, I was on my way to see our Hyacinth but I got myself into a bit of a state and I bumped into Emmet and rather foolishly embarrassed not only myself but your poor brother. I think he was worried about me getting home or what our Hyacinth would say so he brought me here. And the next thing I know I am waking up in his bed and he slept on the chair."

"Oh." Was all Liz could muster.

"You can't tell our Hyacinth though, about me spending the night here, you know what she is like, always jumping to the wrong conclusion."

Liz smiled awkwardly, she could never keep promises when it came to withholding information from Hyacinth, she always seemed to become tongue-tied and then loose lipped when it came to converging with her neighbour. Why this was the case was something she had spent years trying to figure out. "I'll certainly try, but I can't promise anything. I don't know why but I can't seem to keep anything to myself. I get so nervous in that house."

"Oh don't worry that happens to everyone, even Richard, just try your best. Now I would love to stand out here and chat all day but I really must find my clothes." She smiled to herself and muttered jut loudly enough so Liz could hear, "I never thought I would be saying that sentence in a situation like this."

* * *

Rose opened Emmet's bedroom door a crack and put her head round. "I seem to have forgotten my clothes." She laughed slightly flirtatiously, something Rose seemed to do a lot without thinking.

"Yes you have."

"Well will you pass me them please, so I can get dressed and you can get to work." The blonde replied.

"Oh, of course" he said passing the small bundle through the door. "Um, I'll wait for you downstairs and then we can check the coast is clear."

"Ta." She said taking the dress and French knickers from him.

* * *

Once dressed she teetered down the stairs, hoping that her loose stiletto wouldn't snap off until she was almost home.

She ventured into the living room to find both Liz and Emmet peering out of the window; Rose cleared her throat to announce her arrival.

"I'm going to have to take the bull by the horns" he cried. "Rose, while you sneak out round the back I'll head out of the front door on my way to work and have to distract her from seeing you, then Liz you are going to have to come out and speak to her so I can get to work. But remember, keep your lips sealed."

"You make it sound like we are entering the Battle of Britain, it's only Hyacinth, how hard can it be to leave the house without her seeing, I mean she won't exactly be glued to the window watching you leave." Rose laughed hollowly, knowing that perhaps her sister was cable of just that.

"Ha! You want a bet? She always seems to know when I leave for work, no matter how often I change the time I leave. She's always there singing at me!"

"It's true" Liz nodded.


	7. The Bouquet Residence: 1

"Emmet's very late for work this morning, dear" Hyacinth Bucket said to her inattentive husband.

"Umm" was his automatic response, as he continued to read his morning paper.

"I do hope he isn't ill" she said taking the paper from Richard, before putting it in the magazine rack.

"Who?"

"Emmet, dear. Do try and pay attention, Richard." She said crossing over to the window, taking out the duster from her pocket and began violently dusting the window sill.

"What makes you think he is ill?" Richard asked retrieving his paper.

"He hasn't left for work yet, he usually has by now, do you think I ought to call in on him and see how he is?"

"Maybe he has the day off" Richard reasoned.

"No, no dear, Elizabeth would have said if he had the day off, for some reason she feels compelled to tell me everything about what Emmet gets up to, I think she senses he has a soft spot for me."

Richard laughed under his breath at his wife's statement. "Well don't go and bother him, if he is ill."

"Oh Richard, you know me, I never bother anyone, I can see when people need space. No I will simply call round and ask Elizabeth how he is and if she says he is ill then I will send him my regards and hope he has a speedy recovery."


	8. Change of Plan

Rose stood around the corner of Elizabeth's house, waiting for Emmet to give her the signal to dash as quickly as she could, in her broken heel, home. Fed up of waiting in the cold she decided to spark up. Fishing in her little clutch bag she realised that her house keys were no longer there. They must still be in the house, she thought before retreating inside.

"What are you doing inside, I thought you were going" Emmet said in surprise.

"I can't find me keys" the ever so overdramatic Rose cried.

"Where where did you last see them?"

"I put them in my bag when I left the house last night" the blonde replied.

"Well didn't you pick them up last night?"

"Come again" a confused Rose replied.

"All the contents of your bag fell out last night; I thought I had picked everything up, I never saw a set of keys." He explained.

"Oh, I don't remember, thanks for rescuing my things."

"Look, I'll help you look for them but we have to be quick, I still have to get to work and I don't want to run the risk of getting side tracked by your singing sister."

"Thanks" Rose said giggling.


	9. Sneaking Around With You

Rose left through the back door first, keeping her head down as she walked past Hyacinth's house. She waited for Emmet a little down the road, the almost empty vodka bottle marking the spot where her keys were last seen.

She sarcastically tapped her watch as Emmet came into view; he took a glance at the 'Bouquet residence' as he tiptoed past.

"Well, I have had a quick look and I can't see 'em" Rose said, it little bit to loudly for Mr. Hawksworth's liking.

"Shhh, well have you tried looking in the flowerbeds?"

"Not yet, I thought you was giving us a hand not just standing there looking pretty."

"Alright I am coming" he said attempting to yell through gritted teeth.

Emmet attentively watched as Rose bent down to look in the flower beds at the side of the road, before checking the ones belonging to the neighbours.


	10. The Bouquet Residence: 2

"Not only has he gone the wrong way but he appeared to be walking very oddly, Richard" the eagle-eyed Mrs. Bucket said as she noticed her neighbour sneak past her home.

"Who?" Richard called from the kitchen as he was using it as a kind of sanctuary while he attempted to read his paper in peace.

"Emmet, do you think he is delirious? I mean it accounts for him going in the wrong direction and the silly walk." She said joining her husband in the kitchen.

"Hyacinth, it is probably something and nothing." Reasoned Richard.

"All the same, I think I better make sure he is alright."

"I am sure Emmet is perfectly fine. Anyway hadn't you better focus your attentions on finding your father again? You can't leave it up to your Daisy to find him."

"I think I'd better go out the back way, I don't want him panicking if he sees me." She said, doing her usual trick of failing to listen to her husband.


	11. The Warden Residence

Liz waited patiently by the front window to stall Hyacinth, nerves already getting the better of her because the plan had been altered to accommodate for Rose's missing keys.

The plan was now to intercept Hyacinth the moment she saw her come out of her front door by telling her about the Barker-Finches having the police round sometime this week to inspect their frequently burgled establishment, to give them tips on how to keep their valuables safer. This was bound to get Hyacinth on her hobby horse; she would be so wound up in moaning about Sonia Barker-Finch that she wouldn't see Emmet or even better, she would be so wrapped up in it, she would invite Liz in for coffee for a chance to voice her opinions even further.

Elizabeth jumped out of her skin when the telephone rang; she hesitated for a while before deciding if she should answer. Finally deciding it could be someone important she picked up the phone. Getting so wrapped up in her conversation with her daughter, Gail, she failed to see Hyacinth emerge from the side of her house.


	12. Rumbled

"It's no use they don't appear to be here" Rose cried.

"Maybe you ought to tell the police, in case somebody has taken them or handed them in?"

"It might be worth it, I'll have to wait until later this afternoon as there is a sergeant there I don't really want to see."

"Have you been in trouble with the police then?" Emmet asked as he peered into yet another bed of roses."

"Oh no surprisingly, no I used to go out with him you see, until his wife caught us in bed together."

"Oh. I bet that didn't go down too well."

"Not really but she didn't actually inform his Gov'nor, he would have lost his job if she did. Anyway if anyone had pinched my keys, they are bound to fling them straight in the nearest bin when they realise there is nothing worth taking at mine."

"I'm sure it can't be all that ba-"

"Rose! I'd know the hemline of that dress anywhere" that unmistakeable repressed shriek, caused Emmet to pivot round in a nervous panic.

"Emmet! What are both doing out here? Rose I hope you haven't been misbehaving with Mr Hawksworth." She whispered, hoping desperately that no one was listening. Despite having a great deal of affection towards her sister she didn't like it being made public that they were related.

"Of course not our Hyacinth, I came down this way last night when I was on a date and I can't find my keys so I am re-tracing my steps. I bumped into Emmet and he kindly offered to help me look before he went to work." She smiled sweetly hoping that this might encourage her sister to believe her tall tale.

"It-it's true" Emmet stuttered.

"Oh, I guess that is why I didn't see you leaving for work earlier Emmet." Hyacinth smiled.

"Well are you going to just stand there chitchatting or are you going to help me find me keys?"

"I will not help a complete stranger find some keys, I am a very busy woman I don't have the time to help you when I have to organise tonight's social function." Emmet and Rose turned to look at each other equally as confused.

"Well can you ring our Daisy and see if she is in while we look?"

"Daisy is out looking for Daddy, he's gone off again on a mission of national security." Emmet suppressed a laugh and Rose just rolled her eyes in desperation.

"Well we have looked high and low for them and they are nowhere to be seen, so I may as well come with you and Richard to find father."

"No!" Shouted Hyacinth before looking every which way to ensure she wasn't over heard, it is after all very vulgar, shouting in the street.

"Well what should I do?"

Before Hyacinth could think up a suitable reply Liz came running down the street clutching a pair of tights.

"Rose, I think you must have dropped these, I found them on the stair-" Sh looked at the reactions of all three people, stood out on the street. It was clear from Hyacinth's deeply shocked complexion and Emmet's bursting with anger, that she had dropped the pair of them in it.

"Rose! Have you spent the night with Emmet?"

She nodded "But it's not what it looks like!"

"I am not discussing this in the street get in!" She ordered Rose and Emmet inside her house, Liz followed feeling obliged to defend Emmet in particular, and after all it was her fault Hyacinth had jumped to the wrong conclusion.


	13. An Explination of Sorts

"Well did you find out if anything was wrong with Emmet?" Richard called from the lounge when he heard the front door close to.

"Of sorts dear, Rose get in."

Rose, Emmet and Liz all fell into the living room.

"Hello all, what's going on?" Richard asked, slightly chuckling at the entourage of people standing before him, all looking rather embarrassed.

"That's what I am about to find out." His wife replied.

"Well you see" the three people being interrogated said in unison.

"One at a time, thank you" ordered Hyacinth.

"Well you see, I bumped into Rose last night as I was coming home from the church hall, she looked a bit upset as she told me her date was a disaster and she had lost her keys. She knew nobody would be likely to be awake back home and I suggested that you wouldn't be too happy being woken up. So I suggested that she had my bed and I slept on the sofa, promising to help her find her keys when it was light. And that's the truth." He smiled looking rather smug with his impressive lie.

"Are you always that good at lying?" Rose whispered.

"Oh I see, I am so sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion but you know what my sister is like-"

"Watch it!" Rose bit back.

"Well all's well that ends well" Liz said clasping her hands together, eager to make her excuses and leave before she was offered a cup of coffee.

"Yes indeed, well I better be getting to work, hope you find your keys Rose, goodbye" Emmet said smiling at her before heading towards the Bucket's front door. Rose waved and smiled suggestively at that 'dishy' Emmet.

"Goodbye Emmet" her sister said in a loud, shrill singsong voice, causing him to bolt out of the door faster than an Olympic sprinter.

"Well I'd better be going home too."

"Heavens no, stay and have coffee Elizabeth. Rose you'd better stay here too and wait for Daisy to get back with Daddy. Richard will go and find your keys."

"Will I?"

"Yes dear, now" she said pulling him to his feet.

"See you later" he said shuffling reluctantly towards the door.

"Now you will both have a beaker won't you?"

"Good lord yes a beaker" the two ladies replied at the same time, both equally dreading this ritual.

"I am surprised she hasn't hidden me in the wardrobe with you being here, she is always so ashamed of me." Rose said once Hyacinth was out of the room.

"She is very particular with whom she is seen to know but I think as we have already been introduced and she has recovered over the unnecessary shock of you and Emmet spending the night together, she probably thought it was needed."

"Perhaps" Rose said running her perfectly long, pink manicured fingernails through her hair. "Tell me, that brother of yours is he looking for anyone... special?"

"Not at the moment, I don't think."

"Pity, well when he is, tell him that there is a rather attractive blonde who is very interested in him."

Liz just laughed awkwardly and replied "I think perhaps you should tell him yourself." She couldn't resist the urge to not only wind him up but Hyacinth as well.

"Oh don't worry in that case, I'll make sure I will." Laughed the younger woman.

* * *

_**The end! :) If you enjoyed this feel free to drop me a review. Gee :) x**_


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